Tonight (Insert Pitbull song here)

I hesitated before writing this post, and even now, as I type, am not sure I will post this, because I don't want to make this blog "personal" - while life experiences inspire my art, it tends not to be autobiographical.

Tonight however, I did want to share a few thoughts about religiosity, self-actualization, and romance: Gilad Shalit came home today. A friend of mine pointed out that this was a literal realization of the blessing, "Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, who frees prisoners." I agree with my friend, however, to make this blessing relevant to my own life on a daily basis, usually interpret it metaphorically: God helps us overcome our own boundaries and limitations, thus freeing us from ourselves.

I keep on thinking of the "overcoming our own barriers" them when combined with a lecture I heard that goes as follows: According to one rabbi, if one repents, their sins are neutralized. According to another, if one repents, they are not only neutralized, but even become positive assets. The resolution of the two opinions is as follows: Depending on how you repent, you can turn mistakes in the past into positive learning experiences that make you a better person, or you can simply neutralize them and try to erase your past.

I've long been a proponent of the second type of "repentance" when it comes to romance: I don't believe in letting one relationship affect another, not just in the sense you shouldn't bring baggage from one relationship into another, but also in the sense that one just shouldn't compare, because its unhealthy. Who cares anyhow - you're with this person now, and they are what matters, not the past.

That being said, I don't believe in "erasing" past experiences, in an "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" type of way - I think without our experiences, we wouldn't be who we are - and once had a very awkward conversation about erasing memories of exes and the film "ESOSM" with an ex. Veeery awkward.

But tonight I wondered if the second type of "repentance" - the type that makes you a better person/romantic partner as a result of mistakes in the past - is not optimal, as opposed to the "nuetral" model I had set for myself (which is not to say I am starting to believe in comparing - I am still a strong opponent of that). Because tonight, for a minute, I felt that type of romantic "repentance" and it felt good, and for that I must thank God.

By the way, the reason I am sharing this is that this "moment" resulted in my previous post - a rant of insomniatic freedom.